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1. |
Apathy
01:07
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I do not care anymore
I just don’t care anymore
I do not care anymore
‘Cause nothin’ really matters
Anymore
I do not care anymore
I just don’t care anymore
I do not care anymore
‘Cause nothin’ fucking matters anymore
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2. |
Confused
05:26
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I don’t know who I am
It’s kind of hard to understand
Here I sit all alone
Trying to find my way back home
Roses red, violets blue
I have always been confused
Feels so wrong, yet so right
Why can’t I make up my damn mind?
And I know it’s all in my head
But I can’t escape this feeling of dread
And I just want the truth
Who am I, what are you?
What is love without hate?
I wouldn’t know, I can’t relate
Evil brain, angel heart
My thoughts are tearing me apart
And I know it’s all in my head
But I can’t escape this feeling of dread
And I just want the truth
Who am I, what are you?
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3. |
Jaded
04:20
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Another day gone to waste
Another hour lost, in my private space
Thinking’ bout trying to sell my soul
So I won’t ever have to worry bout growing old
The air around me’s cold and stale
Try to ward off all desires but to no avail
Can’t resist my darkest thoughts
And peace of mind is just another thing that can’t be bought
Don’t wanna waste my time again
I’m waiting for the pain to finally settle in
It feels so wrong but I’ll do it again
I’m waiting’ for the guilt to tear me outside in
Feel it coming on again
Can’t resist the urge to give into my sin
This foolish act will be my demise
Unholy attraction, I admire, I despise
The weight is far too much to bear
I know it’s wrong but since when do I even care?
The air around me’s cold and grim
And love is blinding, in this life it’s sink or swim
Don’t wanna waste my time again
I’m waiting for the pain to finally settle in
It feels so wrong but I’ll do it again
I’m waiting’ for the guilt to tear me outside in
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4. |
Dear God
02:59
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The trials and tribulations of a life I didn’t chose
Every aspect of it is a mess from my hair down to my shoes
I lie awake in the cold dark night waiting for the final blow
For my maker to send an angel down to finally take me home
I never asked for money, begged for power, or for fame
I only wanted you to hear the things I had to say
And I never asked for you to turn me into one big mess
But I guess you did it anyway, so I’ll have to try my best
Try my best, try my best
Not to become just another lost soul that’s stuck inside this mess
Try my best, try my best
I’ll show you all, you’ll fuckin’ see, I’ll make it through this test
What kind of god would you be, for damning me to hell
All because a soul of the same sex, in love with him, I fell
What kind of god would you be for putting us in this place
In a world so cold and wrong we kill each other ‘cause of race
Try your best, try your best
Not to become just another lost soul that’s stuck inside this mess
Try your best, try your best
We’ll show them all, they’ll fuckin’ see, we’ll make it through this test
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5. |
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Something’s happening, something’s wrong
Gotta go home and hit the bong
Paranoia, far too strong
Think someone’s building a bomb!
They can’t see what I perceive
I know somebody’s watching me
Load the lead so gently, they won’t know
I’ve got tricks up my-
-Sleeve
Let me be
Up my sleeve
Let me be
They can’t see what I perceive
I know somebody’s watching me
Load the lead so gently, they won’t know
I’ve got tricks up my-
-Sleeve
Let me be
Up my sleeve
Let me be
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6. |
Killing Yourself
05:05
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Killing yourself, slowly
Day by day
As time drags on
I get carried away
Look at my eyes, baby
There’s nothing left
A shadow of a man
The old me is dead
Killing, yourself
Slowly, day by day
Lonely, oh well
I didn’t care anyway
Killing, yourself
I’m gonna do it today!
Locked in, my cell
Come and take me away
I’m tired of fighting my demons
They’re much too strong
Emotion takes over
I get dragged right along
Gimme a reason, baby
Give me a sign!
And if you can’t I only ask
That you let me die
Killing, yourself
Slowly, day by day
Lonely, oh well
I didn’t care anyway
Killing, yourself
I’m gonna do it today!
Locked in, my cell
Come and take me away
Killed myself, slowly
Day by day
As time dragged on
I knew I couldn’t stay
Look at my eyes, baby
They’re cold and dead!
You probably should’ve known
I’d end up like this
Killing, yourself
Slowly, day by day
Lonely, oh well
I didn’t care anyway
Killing, yourself
I’m gonna do it today!
Locked in, my cell
Come and take me away
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7. |
Scapegoat
05:02
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I wanna watch you crumble
I wanna see you fall
And when the lights go down
You won’t stand so tall
This is a brand new chapter
One that you shall not write
And when you read this book
You’ll see your sad life
But I won’t be your scapegoat anymore
Woah, no
You were just a play toy, nothing more
Just a whore
I know you love to hate me
The feeling’s mutual
I just wanted your body
You’re so damn do-able
I had no feeling’s for ya
You knew this from the start
But now you’re lying
Said I’ve broken your heart
But I won’t be your scapegoat anymore
Woah, no
You were just a play toy, nothing more
Just a whore
I wanna watch you crumble
I wanna see you fall
And when the lights go down
You won’t stand so tall
This is a brand new chapter
One that you shall not write
And when you read this book
You’ll see your sad life
But I won’t be your scapegoat anymore
Woah, no
You were just a play toy, nothing more
Just a whore
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8. |
Somber Day
04:35
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What is this
Hollow feeling
This existential crisis
Of a life
How could this
Fatal attraction
Rain down
On my mind
I can’t seem to find
A way, to reconcile
The damage
Inflicted on my heart
And whatever the cause of this
Terrifying tantalization
It’s tearing me
Apart
I don’t know, what is real
I don’t think, I only feel
Is it hideous or wrong,
To want her, to take me on?
Will I ever get the chance,
To hold her near?
Standing on the rooftop
Trembling in fear
And I know, that
She isn’t real
But maybe if I let her in
She’ll help me learn to feel
Does she hear me
Calling her name?
Am I just lonely?
Or am I insane?
Why can’t I figure out
The way she stares
At me
Clears any doubt
I don’t know, what is real
I don’t think, I only feel
Is it hideous or wrong,
To want her, to take me on?
I don’t know, what is real
I don’t think, I only feel
Is it hideous or wrong,
To want her, to take me on?
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9. |
Take Me Away
04:00
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Take me away, I don’t wanna be here
I’m leaving’ this place,
Somewhere new
Don’t know where
Take me away, get me outta this house
I’m leaving today
I’m done
Fooling around
Made my mistakes
Lost some friends ‘long the way
Trying’ to change
Isn’t all that easy
Give me a sign
What the hell do I do?
Where do I go
Can I come home to you?
We are what we pretend to be
A snake in the grass, a leaf on the tree
I’m just like you, you’re just like me
So we must be careful what we pretend
To be
Take me away
Anywhere but right here
I’m sick of this place
Sick of living in fear
I wanna be
Somewhere so far away
Don’t have to worry
Bout love, or bout hate
We are what we pretend to be
A snake in the grass, a leaf on the tree
I’m just like you, you’re just like me
So we must be careful what we pretend
To be
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10. |
Suicide Note (Outro)
07:49
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Hello, my friends and family
I’m sorry I couldn’t make it through
And I’m just writing this to tell you
That the blame for my demise doesn’t belong to you
See, I’ve been going through some hard times
That I could never put into words
I never knew how to express myself
So the struggle, kept getting worse
I tried my best to mend the tear
In my heart, and in my soul
But for every obstacle I made it through
A new one, replaced the old
You’ll never know how much I loved you all
You’re the ones I was fighting for
But every creature’s got a breaking point
I was broken, down to my core
Don’t cry for me, oh please don’t
Cry for me, I’m happy
Where I now lay
Don’t cry for me, there’s no more-
Suffering, believe me
It’s better off this way
Now, before you blame yourselves
I know, just how much you all cared
I didn’t this cause I felt alone
Oh no, I had a burden that I couldn’t bear
You have to try to understand
I’ve been sick for quite some time
I couldn’t handle my own indecisiveness
So I had to finally draw the line
I’m sorry if I wasn’t good enough
I tried my best, I really did
I don’t expect you to ever forgive me
For breaking all your hearts like this
I’m also sorry if I’ve ever wronged you
Regardless of if it was justified
Lord, forgive me for the way I’ve lived my life
I can see so many mistakes now that I’ve died
Don’t cry for me, oh please don’t
Cry for me, I’m happy
Where I now lay
Don’t cry for me, there’s no more-
Suffering, believe me
It’s better off this way
Say goodbye, to me, oh say
Your goodbyes to me
I’m gone now, lowered to my grave
Goodbye, I’m free, goodbye to my
Agony, it’s over
The pain has gone away
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Seasonal Suicide Peoria, Arizona
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